Writen Pictures!!

After my first marriage I decided to never be dependent on anyone but myself. If I have you in my life it is because I choose to have you there not because I have to have you there. There are a few that I would like to be apart of my life but at the moment it is not possible not from my part but theirs except one. My grand-daughter. I would love to have her part of my day to day life but it has almost been 4 months since my daughter has let me see her. It hurts more and more each day. You would think it would become easier but it is not. I do my  best to still enjoy life and make memories that I can one day share with my grand-daughter. When I go to things (like the zoo, a Nascar Race, etc) I constantly think Snowe would love this.....this would make Snowe laugh.......Snowe would........the list goes on and on. Sooooooo I take lots and lots and lots of pictures so when I see her I can show her. It is the second best thing to being there. I actually had someone tell me that they didn't need to go to the Zoo because I had a pic (at least two) of every animal there. lol Sometimes you just have to deal with the life the best you know how. Just because one part of your life isn't the way you want it to be does not mean that you have to stop living. It is the small things that you can do that make you happy that can help you handle the parts that are not perfect. While life is not perfect, we have to do what it is that keeps us reaching for perfection. My life would be perfect if my daughter, grand-daughter, and grand-son would be part of my life but I know that Allee no longer wants in my life and as for the grand-babies............Aiden don't know me and Snowe will one day be back in my life. I have to fight daily to keep living because there will be a day that I can have them part of my life and I want to be able to show them that I love them enough to keep living and taking photos so they could share in some of the days that made me happy.

I know photography isn't everyones cup of tea or even writing but these two outlets are my only forms of expression that allow me to see things for what they are and for me to express how I see life, a situation or even deal with my feelings. When I look through the lens of a camera I see things differently than what someone else may see. I see not just what it is at that moment but what I will see in years to come from looking at the photo. The life. The realness. The fun. When I write, I put into words what I am feeling that I can not express in life and sometimes it is a release of things that weigh on my mind or subconcious that I have yet to realize myself. I force myself to never rewrite what I am thinking because then I over think and how I am truly feeling does not get expressed. So like it or not I am who I am. My life can be seen in my writing and my photos. If you happen to be someone I choose to be in my life then you can also see my feelings, emotions, and strength in my eyes. (Told that by every person who ever knew me.)