Have you ever had a friend that when things are going good they are there for you all the time but when things aren't great you can't seem to reach them? Or the other kind of friend that the only time you hear from them is when they need something? Or maybe the kind that no matter what is going on they have it worst?
I have a "friend" that the only time I ever hear from them is when their life don't have a man, they have no one else to talk to, AND they need something. We will call her Ashley. The second I hear her voice I know what is coming next. Since the day I met her (about 10 yrs ago), I am the one that she calls when nothing is going good and she needs to confirm that her life is perfect in every way.
She is a beautiful woman on the outside but on the inside she has got a great many issues with needing to be told that she is good, beautiful, needed, etc. I know word for word almost how the conversation will go. First she will ask how I am doing, then she will say things aren't that great for her and that she is alone again. After she goes through what has happened since the last call which usually takes about 20 minutes because I haven't heard from her in about 6 months to a year. This time she told of her trips to Paris with some guy named Chris who didn't give her everything she needed (which is why she is alone again). She will sigh a couple times then she will say so what is going on with you. This time I explained about Allee and the baby. She will say you know I feel for you but I am so glad my life is better than yours. She'll wait about 2 minutes then say "Well, I need to go. I have friends coming over so I will call you back sometime this weekend so we can see when we can get together for dinner or something." I won't hear from her for another 6 months to a year. Why do I put up with it? I know the way it is going to be with her. Yet I still answer her call and I still call her a friend. I do this because I know who she is and I know what to expect. She doesn't do anything different. I know that she is a good person but she was taught to always have a man around to be happy and since I have known her I am the one that helps her stabilize so to speak after a break-up. It don't hurt me and it helps her so I continue with her break-up calls.
We all have a friend that we call when things are bad that we count on being there for us. We have those that we know that when the going gets tough not to call unless things are going well and they don't have to be supportive. But there are only a couple of people that we can count on to be there thick or thin, good or bad, that will tell us the truth at all cost, and that even when we get mad at them it doesn't stop us from loving them. I have been fortunate enough to have 2 people in my life like that. No matter if our calls aren't everyday, I know when we talk again it is just like I spoke to her yesterday.
This world has gotten where friendships are taken for granted and used instead of treasured.
Today take a minute to call your friends and just let them know you were thinking about them. A gesture from you could change that person from a sometime friend to a good friend.
Have a great week.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Ex's
Well as all know I am divorced. My first husband was the evil-demonic man that abused me and my daughter and haunts us to this day. My second marriage was annulled and then there is the famous last marriage.
The second was annulled because of the fact we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. We both were trying to substitute for someone else. I thought my daughter needed a father and he just liked being married and wanted a family again (his wife left him for another woman).
The famous marriage of number 3 was famous because I actually married him for love. I truly loved being with him and he and I were best friends. The problem was that he didn't know how to keep his zipper zipped.
I was in the wheelchair during my 3rd marriage so my lawyer was having me keep a journal of everything that was going on around me so that I could prove that even though my legs didn't work didn't mean I wasn't aware of life that was happening. At the time I wasn't aware that he was following my husband because he was aware of the infidelity. I kept the journal as I was asked and every time I suspected that he had been with someone I would put it in my date book, look at our cell phone statements to see who he had called that day, wrote all that down and wrote down how he acted when he got home. I am one of those people who has to have all the facts before I confront you. Well the truth confronted me one day when I found him in my bed with a "so called" friend of mine. It didn't seem funny at the time but now that I look at how things played out, it is hilarious. Once all that happened I let my lawyer know so he handed me copies of photos taken of my husband with the different people with the name of the individual as well as the time and date. When my lawyer compared the dates and times on my journal to his dates and times I had everyone of them including 4 times he didn't even have photos of because the PI had mistakenly not given him copies of the pics.
He tried to say that the night I found him in our bed with Alice was the only time it happened but when I gave him the journal he was quite stunned. When I showed him the pictures, he got the picture I wasn't playing games. He didn't want a divorce. He said he wanted us to stay married but have an open relationship. Sorry. Don't work that way. It has been over 5 yrs since my divorce was final and it is still just me by myself. At times it gets lonely but other times I am so thankful for not having the drama that I had with J.
The funny thing is that he isn't over us. Even though he has moved on and gotten married within a year after our divorce. The woman he married actually asked him one day why we got divorced and he told her that he hadn't wanted a divorce if I hadn't demanded it. OK. One J is stupid for telling her that but the truth is why did she ask a question she really didn't want the answer to? Why do people ask questions that they know they will be hurt if the question is answered truthfully? Well she wasn't just stupid enough to ask the why to our divorce but even was stupid enough to ask who his best lover is/was. This is another occasion it isn't wise to tell the woman you married that the previous wife was better/best. J being J just told her and even told her why I was better in bed and out.
We (J, his current wife, and I) still communicate because of Allee (the only dad she has ever really known is J). It makes it really stressful when they come around because his wife won't let him near me or Allee without her being right upon us to make sure he doesn't try anything. She doesn't realize that when he wants something he figures out around things. For instance when he wants to talk where she don't hear anything......he says he is taking the dogs for a walk or he goes to the bathroom to take care of paperwork. Every time he is around us, he always manages to let me know without her knowledge that he wants me sexually. I feel sorry for her because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is sleeping around on her and it isn't me. I have moved past him but he still remembers what it was like so he keeps trying. BUT in his wife's eyes I am the evil one who is trying to take her husband. Too bad she don't see him for what he is.
So to recap this beautiful blog......................
1. When you are dating or married to someone who has a past........don't ask for the details. It will only cause you heartache.
2. Be aware of your surroundings and the actions of your other half. He things change in behavior, there will always be a reason for the change.
3. Ex's current spouses don't usually trust you when you get around so be prepared for it.
4. Not all marriages are what they seem.
5. Always have your facts before you ever confront someone with an accusation. The old saying is "Accuse me once and I will let it slide. Accuse me a second and I will do it to prove I hadn't lied."
6. Don't ask any questions from an individual that you don't want the truth. Be prepared for anything because some individuals don't know that not answering to protect you is better than the truth at times.
The second was annulled because of the fact we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. We both were trying to substitute for someone else. I thought my daughter needed a father and he just liked being married and wanted a family again (his wife left him for another woman).
The famous marriage of number 3 was famous because I actually married him for love. I truly loved being with him and he and I were best friends. The problem was that he didn't know how to keep his zipper zipped.
I was in the wheelchair during my 3rd marriage so my lawyer was having me keep a journal of everything that was going on around me so that I could prove that even though my legs didn't work didn't mean I wasn't aware of life that was happening. At the time I wasn't aware that he was following my husband because he was aware of the infidelity. I kept the journal as I was asked and every time I suspected that he had been with someone I would put it in my date book, look at our cell phone statements to see who he had called that day, wrote all that down and wrote down how he acted when he got home. I am one of those people who has to have all the facts before I confront you. Well the truth confronted me one day when I found him in my bed with a "so called" friend of mine. It didn't seem funny at the time but now that I look at how things played out, it is hilarious. Once all that happened I let my lawyer know so he handed me copies of photos taken of my husband with the different people with the name of the individual as well as the time and date. When my lawyer compared the dates and times on my journal to his dates and times I had everyone of them including 4 times he didn't even have photos of because the PI had mistakenly not given him copies of the pics.
He tried to say that the night I found him in our bed with Alice was the only time it happened but when I gave him the journal he was quite stunned. When I showed him the pictures, he got the picture I wasn't playing games. He didn't want a divorce. He said he wanted us to stay married but have an open relationship. Sorry. Don't work that way. It has been over 5 yrs since my divorce was final and it is still just me by myself. At times it gets lonely but other times I am so thankful for not having the drama that I had with J.
The funny thing is that he isn't over us. Even though he has moved on and gotten married within a year after our divorce. The woman he married actually asked him one day why we got divorced and he told her that he hadn't wanted a divorce if I hadn't demanded it. OK. One J is stupid for telling her that but the truth is why did she ask a question she really didn't want the answer to? Why do people ask questions that they know they will be hurt if the question is answered truthfully? Well she wasn't just stupid enough to ask the why to our divorce but even was stupid enough to ask who his best lover is/was. This is another occasion it isn't wise to tell the woman you married that the previous wife was better/best. J being J just told her and even told her why I was better in bed and out.
We (J, his current wife, and I) still communicate because of Allee (the only dad she has ever really known is J). It makes it really stressful when they come around because his wife won't let him near me or Allee without her being right upon us to make sure he doesn't try anything. She doesn't realize that when he wants something he figures out around things. For instance when he wants to talk where she don't hear anything......he says he is taking the dogs for a walk or he goes to the bathroom to take care of paperwork. Every time he is around us, he always manages to let me know without her knowledge that he wants me sexually. I feel sorry for her because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is sleeping around on her and it isn't me. I have moved past him but he still remembers what it was like so he keeps trying. BUT in his wife's eyes I am the evil one who is trying to take her husband. Too bad she don't see him for what he is.
So to recap this beautiful blog......................
1. When you are dating or married to someone who has a past........don't ask for the details. It will only cause you heartache.
2. Be aware of your surroundings and the actions of your other half. He things change in behavior, there will always be a reason for the change.
3. Ex's current spouses don't usually trust you when you get around so be prepared for it.
4. Not all marriages are what they seem.
5. Always have your facts before you ever confront someone with an accusation. The old saying is "Accuse me once and I will let it slide. Accuse me a second and I will do it to prove I hadn't lied."
6. Don't ask any questions from an individual that you don't want the truth. Be prepared for anything because some individuals don't know that not answering to protect you is better than the truth at times.
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