Home

I have always heard home is where the heart is. Unfortunately I don't know where my heart is so does that mean I have no home? I can truly say I have lived all over the US. There aren't many states left for me to go to that I haven't been to already. The only problem is that there isn't one single place that I have lived that I felt at home.

Someone asked me the other day where was home to me. I said I don't know. He then said he meant where was I raised and that that is where home is suppose to be.

My problem is that I never felt at home where I was raised. I have tried to go back to my birthplace but within a very short time I realize that I don't belong there.

I had this conversation with an ex recently when he asked about how I feel about the new place I live in. He told me that he knew me well enough to know that I if I don't feel like I belong I won't last long at that location. He was right (and that takes a great deal for me to admit to him never the less to myself). My daughter has attended 48 schools from the time she was in Kindergarten until she was in 7th grade. That isn't good and I know it. Because we moved so much she loves moving now. I wish I could take back having moved so much but I can't. There is only one person and one injury to blame. I take the responsibility for the moves but my reasoning always led back to my ex-husband and/or my injury from work. either I needed to move to hide from K or I had to move to get a new doctor. The problem is now since I moved so much I have no connection to anything/anybody besides my daughter. Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter with all of my heart but isn't there more to life then just existing?

Well, sorry about the venting in this blog. I was just thinking and needed to put it down so I could stop thinking.

Have a great day,
Lost my heart in......................................